Dying: An Absolution Songphic
by La-Petit-Aviateur
Summary: Third in the Absolution Series: Christine is living in the De Chagney Manor and her mind begins to wander. Song by Five For Fighting


Okay, as promised in "On Fire", here is my second-ever-published work but is actually third in the Absolution Series. Instead of Switchfoot, I thought this song from Five For Fighting was perfect for this. This takes place at the De Chagney home, only a few months after the end of the original story. So again, here it is. Please read and review, but do be kind!

"**Dying"**

Christine sat before her vanity brushing out her auburn hair. She enjoyed being able to take care of herself in her morning preparations rather than relying on servants for assistance. Raoul insisted that she take the help, acclimating herself to aristocracy, but Christine had made an agreement with her maids: she would ready herself and they could get an early start on their duties so long as Raoul never found out. She hated having to hide things from her fiancé, but he just didn't seem to understand that she didn't fit into upper-class society. Certainly she could look the part, adorned in glamorous gowns and trinkets, but she could never talk with other women. They would ask about her past or she would slip and mention something about the opera house and they would scoff at her as though her former life was something to be ashamed of. She realized now that the only friends she would ever have were the girls back at the Opera Populaire. It was a simple life of rehearsals and dormitories but in a world of music she felt like she belonged. There was no singing for her now. Raoul said it was improper for a lady to entertain in such a manor. She never understood why her songs were what first attracted him to her when they were lovers, but now had to be kept secret after moving into the manor. She couldn't imagine how things would be once they were married. Even confined songbirds are allowed to sing. This life was merely an imprisonment in a gilded cage, only she was without music. To make matters worse, in having to refrain from mentioning the opera house she had lost nearly all ties to Meg and Madame Giry. What would they think of her now? It was then she admitted to herself that she was too embarrassed to communicate with them. Suddenly they were supposed to be "beneath" her. Surely they would take one look at her and see through the façade she gave everyone else. They would see she was in fact quite miserable, left at home alone to do nothing but play pretty like a piece of furniture while Raoul still went to the Opera Populaire. A voice inside her head whispered _'HE would never leave you like this.'_ With wide eyes she looked at her reflection. No. She slapped her hands to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the thoughts that insisted on coming anyway. Not again. _'He worshipped you, put you on a pedestal, treated you like a woman rather than an ornament like your precious fiancé does. You'd still have your music, your friends, your freedom to do as you please. He would let you do whatever you liked as long as you only loved him. You know that wouldn't be so hard seeing that you still-' _"No! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" She sprung up from her seat and threw herself face down onto the bed like a child in a tantrum, pulling pillows over her head in an attempt to shield his image from her mind, but it was no use. Once again, he was there, in all his dark glory, frightening and alluring all at once. Why could she not be rid of him?

_**I'm dying, dying to wake up without you,**_

_**Without you in my head again,**_

_**I'm dying, dying to forget about you,**_

_**That you ever lived**_

As so many times before, she broke down into tears. Oh, how she hated him for plaguing her so! She hated herself for being so weak. She almost wished she could die, just to not deal with the pain again.

**There's a shade come over this**

_**Heart that's coping with**_

_**Laying down to rest,**_

_**I'm dying to live without you again.**_

She sat up and found she had the sudden urge to get out of the house. She couldn't stand the room filled with lace and flowers anymore and felt as though she was suffocating. She had to get some air. She ran for the bedroom door and threw it open, nearly falling down the stairs as she raced to the first floor. She was for once thankful that Raoul was in Paris and that the servants had come to ignore her actions or someone might have thought she was making a scene. She just desperately needed to get away.

_**I'm dying, dying to find a distraction,**_

_**To get you away from me,**_

_**I'm dying, dying to reach a conclusion,**_

She dashed out across the grass beyond the gate and towards the creek. Trees rushed by and she could barely shield herself from the low-hanging branches. When she reached the water's edge and the chateau was far behind her she fell down in tears once more. She didn't hold back in her sobs any longer and completely let go, shouting to the nature around her. "I made the right choice! Raoul gives me security, everything I need! I have all a woman could hope for. Erik was a murderer with a broken soul and a hot temper. He lied to me about who he was for so long who's to say he wouldn't deceive me again? All those promises he gave… I was a prize, something to be won. In that, he was no better than Raoul!"

**So that the world could see** It's the same old story of 

_**Love and glory that**_

_**Broke before it bent,**_

_**I'm dying to live without you again.**_

Her anger began to subside, replaced with sorrow again. She didn't shout, instead talking calmly to try to rationalize her thoughts. "It wouldn't have worked. I don't belong in his world or he in mine." A painful thought hit her: she had no place in either man's life. Whatever choice she made would cost her a great sacrifice. Raoul was the smart decision. The life of a ghost was far from what she wanted. "We could never see daylight again and despite the beauty of the night, that is a consequence I could not bear. No amount of passion could overcome all the obstacles we would face."

**The first time you left, I said goodbye**

_**Now there's not a prayer that can survive**_

"But he loved me. He loved me long before Raoul ever did. He wanted me for what I was before I could sing, when I was only a chorus girl. He understood my passion for music, my loneliness, my dreams." A sad smile spread across her face. "I'd give anything to see him again."

**Dying, dying to die just to come back**

_**So we could meet again.**_

"I'd tell him everything, how sorry I am, how I miss him, how I lov-" She caught sight of the ring on her hand, her commitment, and tears sprang anew. How heavy her heart felt now! "But I can't tell him and I never will."

_**I'm dying, dying to say what I always,**_

_**Always should have said.**_

She fell into a crying state once more, unable to control herself. She had her chance and now it had passed. She sat straight up, tears stopping as quickly as they came. Was all really lost? There was no shame in merely paying a visit. It was far from anything considered sinful. She at least wasn't bound by marriage yet. And maybe she would see Meg and Madame Giry.

**It's a strange emotion this but**

_**There's still hope in this as**_

_**Long as there's a breath.**_

_**I'm dying and I can't live without you again.**_

She got up to her feet, not even taking the time to wipe the grass or dirt from her skirts and hurried back to the house. Once through the front door she ran up to the office to find stationery and a pen. As she scribbled out a note she knew Raoul would throw a fit, but she suddenly felt empowered. She was her own woman, was she not? She signed the note and left it in the sitting room where he would normally find her waiting before grabbing her cloak and heading to the stables. She knew she would have to be careful not to run into him when she arrived. As she mounted her horse she only hoped that _he_ would still be there. "I'm coming, Angel."

**It's a strange emotion this but**

_**There's still hope in this as**_

_**Long as there's a breath.**_

**I'm dying and I can't live without you…**

_**I'm dying and I can't live without you again.**_

_Fin._

phew! Another song out of my head! There's at least…three to go! Sheesh… Thanks for reading!!


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